January 26, 2012
16:11 < colleague> if they do a sequel I so dearly hope ben stein and charlie sheen aren't invited
16:11 < mhoye> "... Drugs?"
16:11 < mhoye> I think they have to be.
16:14 < second_colleague> why no ben stein?
16:14 < other_colleague> cause he's gone INSANE
16:16 * mhoye thinks they should swap roles.
16:16 < colleague> yeah, ben stein took a leap off the pier of reason a few years ago
16:16 < colleague> what with that anti-evolution movie, etc.
16:17 < other_colleague> "who stole ben stein's brain?"
16:19 < mhoye> A beat down, leather-clad, exhausted looking Ben Stein, sitting in a police station, turns his bruised hangover towards Jennifer Grey, and mutters "... Drugs?"
16:19 < colleague> perfect
16:25 < mhoye> Earlier in the movie a pale, drawn Charlie Sheen, his skin drumhead-taut from years off staving off a sudden transformative collapse into becoming Keith Richards, stands in front of a class of middle-aged losers in an adult high-school trying desperately to act bored and boring and failing miserably. His eyes dart around the room like a cornered animals'; he practically vibrates in place, grinding his clenched teeth together as he slowly mutters the words "Beuller? Beuller? Beuller?" over and over, desperate to hear somebody, anybody say 'cut'.
16:28 < mhoye> Meanwhile in a trailer somewhere a resigned Jeffrey Jones sits with a half-empty bottle of rye, wearing a pre-tattered suit, a scorched bowtie and the black eye makeup grafted onto his cheeks three hours ago, waiting for the knock on the door that means he's going to get pulled through the thresher again.
16:29 < mhoye> Honestly, the making-of movie here could be far, far better than the movie itself.
Seriously. A documentary about the making of a middle-aged sequel to a much-loved teen movie has the potential to be some of the darkest comedy, the most grimly existential filmmaking the world has ever seen. “Ferris’ Wheel”, I’d call it, in the spirit of Jacob’s Ladder.
UPDATE: It’s just a super-bowl ad. That’s about as saddening as possible.
“By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising, kill yourself.”
– Bill Hicks.
Added the “losers”, “hate” and “fail” tags.